What a fucking waste of an outfit
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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