I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
