I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
