two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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