Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
