So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
