You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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