He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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