Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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