i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
