I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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