just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
