dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
