I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
