Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
