Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
