Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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