he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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