porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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