Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
