p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Be still, my beating vagina.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
