SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
