As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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