I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
