You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
