what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
