32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
