when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
