I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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