Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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