My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
