I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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