I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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