My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
