Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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