I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
