Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
