I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
