this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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