Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
