I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
