i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
