A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
