Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
