You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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