So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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