I cannot find my penis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
