he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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