I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
