I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
