is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
