I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
