That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
