if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
