if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
