their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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