shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
